i feel like i want to die. i'm having trouble keeping it together. i'm certainly having trouble being funny. i'm trying to go to the gym, but i can't get out the door. i need to get a newspaper and start looking for a new home, but i'm scared to because i don't want to see his ad for a new room mate. i'm here alone now and i have no one to talk to. i can't stop crying. i can't stop hating myself for letting this happen. i can't get rid of this horrible, empty, sick feeling in my gut. i feel so stupid and pathetic. i can't afford to be a complete mess like this all month. i have to find a place to live, i have to go to vancouver on business, i have to send my nephew a birthday card and none of this seems remotely possible right now. i can't even have a shower without falling apart. he has seen none of this and i loathe the possibility that he will.
ok. fuck this. i've had worse for better reasons. i'm going to the gym now. and then i'm going to get a goddamn newspaper and continue my day even though i feel like i'm being suffocated by this tight wet blanket of fear.
No comments:
Post a Comment