alright. big day today. i gave my month's notice to my room mate. this has been a long time coming but i kept putting it off, making excuses, waiting for something to happen, and it finally did. he came home thursday night with a woman. i could not bare to lay in my bed and listen to them having sex 6 feet below me. i wanted to die. it felt like i was going to. all the smug assumptions i had about how no woman would be stupid/crazy/desperate enough to sleep with this man except me were blown to bits. it was all fine and good for me to wise up and realize that i wasn't in love with him anymore. it was all very amusing to be flippant about the way i live my life and how silly it must seem. it really didn't feel very amusing the other night. at 2 am i took a cab to my friend's house and i've been there until today, excepting the 10 minutes i spent here yesterday grabbing an overnight bag. we did not say a word to each other. but, i thought i should be a big girl, come home and express my feelings like an adult. it went about as well as i expected. i'm going back to my friend's house tonight, go to work tomorrow and do all the shit i was supposed to do on friday when i called in sick, and then come home again and try to make the next month as painless as possible for the both of us. i don't hate him. how can i? i walked right into this whole clusterfuck with my eyes wide open.
i'm not going to describe the ugly, stupid details of how fucked up i feel or what we said to each other. i didn't cry. not even that night. i am relieved that i was forced to do something i should have done months ago. and i am very, very sad that words never seem to be enough between people.
oh my god. i think i just spoke to the woman he slept with on the phone. jesus fucking christ. the next month is going to be unbelievably hard.
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