i am fucking l i v i d. the room mate is having movie night with his stupid "date." downstairs. in his bedroom. that fuck. he came up here at the beginning of the evening. right after i came home from work to see her ugly fucking minivan parked in front of our house, and then see her all cozy in her sweats and hair up, playing video games in his bedroom while he was having a shower. he just got back into town today, and this is not the situation i was anticipating. how can he not be aware of how potentially upsetting this is for me? i've been in love with this man for over a year. and now he expects me to be ok witnessing him be with someone else. in our house. i'm still fucking here, asshole. anyway, he came up here to talk to me. ask me if there was anything he needed to know, if anything important happened while he was away. "oh, by the way, we're just watching a movie, you know. nothing's really going on." great. good for fucking you.
things have been going so well for me for the last week or two. i've been coping, thriving even. relishing the changes and looking forward to something much better than this. and. now. this. jesus christ. one week. just one week left. why are you doing this to me? why can't you just let me leave in peace? i hate you so much. you deserve nothing from me. i hope you have to move away because you can't afford to live here by yourself. because no one will live here except me. and i'm leaving. fuck you.
what the hell am i going to do tonight? when is she going to leave? i can't keep watching "sex and the city" over and over again. god, no. fuck. fuck. fuck. i hate feeling trapped in my own goddamn house. i never want to feel like this again. i am going to do everything in my power to never let this happen again. there is nothing funny or enriching about this experience. i've had enough. god, he's such a fucking cunt.
i just went into my bedroom and stomped around a bit, slammed a few drawers. i feel slightly better now that i've had a tantrum. or more angry. which also feels good.
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