still life

i didn't go to my old room mate's party this weekend. apparently, it was the bash of the century. there was impromptu catering, live music, and a lot of women. and booze and drugs for all those who entered. ah well. i was guilted into going camping instead. i spent a beautiful evening drinking wine and playing boggle by the campfire. a wise decision on my part, i'm sure. my friend insisted i go because her husband was out of town and she was hung over and depressed because he wan't around to fart and make stupid jokes and make her laugh. apparently spending time with me is the only acceptable antidote to those kind of bad feelings. however, on sunday afternoon, my old room mate's (n---) new room mate (m.) invited me over for a cigarette on the stoop. he seemed like he was in need of some fortification before cleaning up the horrid mess from the prior night's festivities, so i drove up the hill to retrieve my dope and came back to roll us up a gagger. he invited me to his room to partake. it was kind of strange being up there. it used to be my room for a long time, but i like what he did with it. we got absurdly stoned while n--- was downstairs with his lady friend. anyways, somehow it happened that i ended up spending the day with n---. he was totally still drunk from the night before (because he was still drinking scotch at noon when i originally came over and didn't stop until we left the house at 3.) i laid out some rules before we left the house: no leaving me stranded anywhere while he chatted up other people (a completely valid rule because he has a habit of doing that and i was so high i could barely function) and no yelling. i got him dressed, then we went out into the world. we started with over-priced coffee. he chastised the barista for talking to her boyfriend when she was supposed to be making my mocha frappe. then we went to the bookstore and picked out a fabulous book for his grand-daughter. then we went to the drugstore to buy a toothbrush. then we went for a late afternoon cocktail. it was great. i told him we make much better neighbours than room mates. then we went back to his place and cuddled up to watch a movie. my room mates invited us over for dinner in the backyard, which was amazing. and then n--- and i retired once again to his bedroom to finish watching the movie. when it was over we mucked around a bit because we were feeling so good about our day together. which was kind of funny because it originally looked like i was going to be spending the day with his room mate, but he passed out upstairs at some point, and was now loudly cleaning things up in the kitchen while n--- was getting me off. ahhh ha ha. (m. now probably thinks i'm a creepy weirdo.) i left right away after that-- i had to be up for work at 6am the next day.

at any rate, these are the boring details of my life. n--- and i appear to have a new understanding/appreciation of each other and it feels good so far. i just have to be careful not to spend too much time over at his house now that i feel comfortable with him again. i've been working on appreciating people that i've been holding grudges against because it's a much better feeling than being angry and hurt. it's not about excusing bad behaviour, it's about forgetting it after all has been said and done. some people get forgotten altogether, but some people get to stay in my life. this new personal policy seems to be working for me, so we'll see how it goes.

boys are stupid

people are weird. i'm weird. but today is fucking gorgeous and i don't care if the shop burns down, i'm not going in to work. my old room mate is having a party tonight and i think i'll go. i went over to his house a few days ago when i was having a nervous breakdown. it was exactly what i needed. i cried on his shoulder for a good ten minutes, then he swiftly moved into action: cocktails and strategizing. i asked him to tell me all the things he liked about me, so that i'd have a bit of ego fortification to keep me going. he likes my sense of style, my emotional vulnerablity, my resiliancy, my sense of humour, and my ass. then we made out. it was nice. i've come to terms with that whole business, so now i can enjoy the benefits of having a friend that i can turn to for solace and a good orgasm when required.

plus, i have the greatest pot in the world right now. it's like doing e.

cum shot to the heart

i nearly had a nervous breakdown this weekend. i've been working like a maniac for the past month and a half because i've been having staffing issues at work. i had to fire someone for the first time because she was a total screw up and didn't show for some shifts. then i hired another girl who was totally on the ball, but she got a better paying job (not hard to do. the wage i was offering was atrociously low, particularly in the job market up here.) she ended up totally screwing me over this weekend by not showing up for her final shifts. i had to fill in the shifts myself, so i've been working several 12 hour days and i'm in the middle of a 12 day stretch right now. the computer program that is the core of the operations of my business went on the blink this weekend as well, and i had to train the new person i hired to replace the girl i hired to replace the girl i fired. essentially, everything has been going very badly at work and i was getting very, very tired. stretched too thin, without any relief in sight. if anything else went wrong i was going to completely lose my mind. i couldn't help worrying that the person i just hired was going to quit because i couldn't offer her enough money for the quality and amount of work i need from her. plus, i had an amazing night with this guy that i met once years ago who was in town for a couple of weeks. i mean, it was really the perfect date. we got really high and saw war of the worlds . then we went down to a lake just outside of town and talked about the meaning of life etc. we got bored of that, so we grabbed a 6 pack and went to a place called miles canyon. it was like being with an old friend, the conversation was easy and fun. he was trying to impress me, the vibe was open and full of the possibility of sex. so we went back to my place. i had my period, so sex was out, but he got me off with one of the best "dry humps" ever. i'm laughing my ass off right now, because "dry hump" is one of the worst phrases ever and it reeks of sweaty, weird highschool nights. none-the-less, it worked in this situation just fine. i reciprocated by giving him the best head i've given in months. he came so hard, cum shot out of my nose. (yeah, i'm laughing even harder now. apparently, my idea of a perfect date involves a tom cruise movie, dry humping and blowing cum out my nose. well, whatever. it's all about the mood of the night, isn't it?) anyway, the next night i went to a little party where he's staying (just happens to be at my best friend's house) and he basically blew me off at the end of the night. his words were: "last night was really fun, but i don't think we should make a habit of this. i don't really know you." you know, not a big deal really, but i had been having such a bad time with work and nothing was going right at all, and then having this great fun time with this guy was like a ray of light bursting through the clouds. a little bit of relief in the midst of the shit. so it's likely that i was expecting too much from him, but still. it really was not good for my confidence, which has been at an all time low for weeks. so, when i had to work on sunday for the chick that didn't show up, i was at the end of how much shitiness i could take. i was so tired i could barely stand. i made up my mind to have a serious conversation with my manager on monday. i was fully prepared to quit if i didn't get the help i needed immediately. what i wanted was a wage increase for my staff so that i'd at least have a hope in hell of retaining them, and i needed to have my computer issues resolved asap. i was not expecting to get either one of those things. i felt like puking while i was writing up a list of points to cover for the meeting. i was shaking because i was sure i was going to come home without a job. i was worried that she was just going to tell me to suck it up, it was hard for everybody. i couldn't have been more wrong. she totally backed me up, and as a result i can pay my staff 2 dollars more an hour and my computer is getting fixed today. it probably helped that i cried, and i know that if i had quit she would have been in a very bad position herself. so yeah, that's what's been going on. i'm leaving out a bunch of other stuff, but i don't have time to write anymore. gotta go to work.