living the dream

yawn. i've finally figured out exactly why i moved back to regina: i'm taking a holiday from fun. this town is a colossal drag. i'm know there must be some kind of interesting fun to be had around here, but i'm not interested in trying to find it. i rarely drink anymore, i hardly ever go out, and i usually don't talk to people when i'm not at work. sounds pretty sad, but i like to think of my current lifestyle as therapeutic "spinsterism." the only reason i still take birth control pills is to prevent myself from growing a beard.

i'm getting to know myself again without the influence of other people. yeah, that's it. no drama, no craziness (except at work, but that shit is "confidential" or "in camera" or subject to "non-disclosure." too bad, because it gets pretty juicy, as well as incredibly frustrating for far too many reasons to even think about right now.) no boyfriend, no relationships to fret about. well, i still fret occasionally over m. in whitehorse, but it's minimal. the thought of actually going out in order to meet men, or try to get laid seems like the most draining, unenjoyable activity in the world. do i sound bitter? i'm not. maybe vaguely pathetic (apathetic?), but i have enough of a sense of humour to accept that characterization. my apartment is always clean, and i always get up early on the weekends.

one weird "habit" i've developed since moving here is taking a gravol or two before bed. for some reason, gravol makes me fall asleep instantly and i have really detailed dreams. i started taking tranquilizers in the summer after i went totally mental. i was having serious anxiety problems and i couldn't sleep, so my doc prescribed some fantastic pills. now, i've got a bit of a thing for various types of "sleep aids." generally, most kinds of "drowsy drugs" don't really have that much of an effect on me, so the gravol thing is kind of a novelty. really, it's not that interesting, and i don't ride the "gravol pony to sleepy town" every night, but sleeping to dream has become a large part of my "self-entertainment" activities recently. that, and sweating my ass off at the gym. and reading.

see? none of my preferred passtimes involve contact with other people. too bad i can't get motivated to write anything other than this stupid blog. i could have written a novel given all the time i spent unemployed, but that would have been way too stressful and i was "recovering." i couldn't even get it together enough to write 500 word book reviews for what's up yukon. god. it was ridiculous how much i stressed out over that. i only ended up writing one review that they never did publish, and i was supposed to write five more. ditched out on that altogether. slightly emabarassing to think about now. oh well, periodically emotionally unstable people do will do that kind of shit from time to time.

well, law and order is on now, so my friday night can really get started.