slow girl

i got my period today. you have no idea how happy this makes me, even though i had no real reason to think that i wouldn't get my period. you see, now that i'm in a "healthy" relationship (and by "healthy" i mean "not like my other 'relationships'") i have to have something "bad" to obsess over, which has been manifesting as a morbid fear of pregnancy. it would ruin my life, or at least the few days of work i would miss recovering from an abortion. it's weird. this has never been a concern for me (for various reasons that i don't feel like discussing right now. i'm too high to even be writing this, i think.) anyway, m. is just about perfect. things are going swimmingly. and the sex is absolutely stunning. so yeah, i've got to create some sort of weird internal drama just to feel "normal." it's totally fucked up, but it is getting better. slowly.